


What Lies Beneath

by iambanksy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, M/M, Past Abuse, Secrets, Slow Burn, big secret, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:58:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iambanksy/pseuds/iambanksy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas dissapears the day of Lisa's funeral without a trace. </p><p>He returns almost a decade later. </p><p>Dean knows Cas isn't telling him everything but he has other things to worry about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old Ties

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd jump straight into the good stuff for a change. Enjoy!

Dean was grateful his aunt Ellen was his boss, she told Dean to take his break as soon as she saw Castiel enter the Roadhouse and motioned them out back. He didn't want to lose his shit inside with all the customers around. Ellen was bound to kick his ass then.  
Dean was pacing back and forth, not saying a word. His father had told him that there was two types of angry. The first was when you keep it all inside, face rigid, breaths even. You're in complete control of your body. The second is when you're hurt and your body betrays you. Your tears threaten to spill from your eyes, your voice shakes, you ball your hands into fists and hope you can keep it together. Dean was the second kind of angry right now He's pissed. No. He's more than pissed, he's furious.  
Cas begins "Look Dea—" Dean raises finger for him to shut up, he needs to get shit together first. He continues pacing for a couple moments before he finally trusts his voice not to shake.  
"You left, Cas! Without a word. You didn't even say goodbye!" His voice breaks and he's pissed at himelf now. Well he'll be damned if he's gonna let that stop him giving Cas a piece of his mind.  
"You fucking left me, man. Just when Lisa... I needed you and you wern't fucking there! I never left you hanging, when your folks kicked you out, we took you in. When you had the court case, I was with you every step of the way. We were brothers."  
He's quiet again, and then he's making his way to Cas in long, determained strides. He's not exactly sure what he's going to do. Push him? Hit him? No, he'd never hit Cas. Especially after what he went through. The realization hit him when he saw how scared he looked when Dean was right in his face now, shoving a hand into Cas' chest and knocking him back a little. Cas tucked his head down as if he was expecting blow and Dean's heart sank at that. He was just as bad as the monster that had his friend in therapy three times a week. He rememberd how long it took before his bestfriend to be comfortable around him again. Before they could wrestle like they used to. Before Cas stopped flinching at any sudden movements. It had killed him the when Cas flinched at him first, he promised he would never hurt him.  
The realization left a sour taste in his mouth. Before he knew it he had Cas wrapped tightly in his arms. He felt the body against his immediatley go rigid. It wasn't long before Cas relaxed against him and returned the hug, his arms squeezing even tighter than his own. Any anger or tension left Dean then and he let out a sigh. Relieved.  
"I'm so sorry, Cas" Cas pulled away at that. He looked up in surprise. "What? Dean, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who left." He looked completely flaberghasted at Dean's apology.  
"S'okay Cas."  
"So we're good? Just like that? He asked disbelievingly.  
"Just like that" He smiled.  
They both had things to apologize for. But right now, he was just happy to see Cas again. They had time for apologies late. If Cas is staying that is... Worry began to pick at him "You're staying right?" Cas looked surprised at the worry in Dean's voice. He could see the cogs working in Cas's head, contemplating and Dean was worried he was going to say no.  
"Of course, Dean." Dean couldn't help but notice how sad he looked as he said this. He wondered what was troubling him. Did he not have somewhere to stay? "You got somewhere to stay?"  
Cas' brow furrowed. "I'm afraid I have'nt had the chance to book into a motel yet, this is the first place I came."  
"You could stay with me." He offered without really thinking. What made him think Cas actually wanted to stay with him. "I mean, we practically lived together before. What's a couple years gonna change?" Cas muttered something to himself before he finally agreed. "I'd apprieciate that very much, if it's not too much trouble"  
"Pfft, not a problem, man." He swung his arm around Cas' shoulders and they made their way back into the Roadhouse. He couldn't help the massive grin that he had plastered across his face as he thought of having his friend back after all these years. "I'm glad you're back, really glad. I missed you, man." Cas smiled at the sincerity of Deans words. Before he could reply, Dean spoke again. "Just remembered, Sammy's visiting on the weekend. He just finnshed his exams, he'll be stoked to see you!" Cas' eyes lit up at the mention of the younger Winchester, Sam had been 9 when he saw him last, a tiny, frail thing. He watched him grow since he was just a baby and looked forward to see how he had grown since then.  
They entered the Roadhouse and when Ellen saw the two young men had made up, she pulled two beers and called them over. They both thanked Ellen and she gave a smile. "Good to see you, Cas." And she was gone. They spent the night filling each other in on what they've been doing for the past 9 years.


	2. What Better Way To End The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A really unfortunate turn of events.

It was God knows what hour when he and Dean find themselves stumbling up the stairs, clinging on to each as not to fall. They were the last two at the bar when Ellen finally cut them off and sent their asses to bed. He had made it up most of the stairs so far so good, especially considering he was Deans main support. And Dean was a big guy. They made their way up the rest of the stairs. They were right at the top when Dean had him laughing so hard that he took a step into thin air, not realizing that there was no more steps and they had made to the top of the stairs. Naturally, he ended up on his back. Something hard digging into his shoulder as he lay there. He was sure to have a bruise in the morning. 

He stretched his hand out for Dean to take it and help him up. "You want to help me up or what?"  
Dean did nothing but laugh. Howling with the laughter, tears running down his face."Oh God man, y'shoulda— That was hilarious! The way you—"  
He broke off into laughter again and doubled over, almost on his hands and knees now. Cas couldn't help but join in. Before he knew it he had tears running over his cheeks and his stomached ached. Once they had both calmed down a bit Dean offered his hand. Cas took it, putting little effort into standing up.

"Put your back into it Winchester!" 

"How about you lift your ass Novak! M'doing all the work!" He retorted. He grabbed Cas with both hands now trying to pull him up " You need to lay off the milkshakes, man" 

Cas gasped. Deans face filled with worry and concern. "Dean!We MUST go get milkshakes!" He closed his eyes. Remembering the last milkshake he had. Chocolate. Mmm. He could do with a milkshake right now. 

"You have to get off the fucking floor first!" He was still thinking of his milkshake when the air was knocked out of him and there was a crushing weight on top of him. His shoulder throbbed now. He could feel whatever it was underneath him dig into his shoulder. He looked to see Dean, that big fucking ape, had fallen on him. He heard Dean mutter "Shit, m'sorry" Before scrambling to stand up. He then pulled Cas up, careful to keep his balance. 

"Lets go get us those milkshakes huh?" Dean said as he clapped Cas on the shoulder and squeezed. Cas hissed out at the pain in his shoulder. Well fuck, that hurt. 

Any trace of amusement was now gone from Deans face and concern filled its place. "S'wrong Cas?" He asked as Cas grabbed at his shoulder. He couldn't help but notice how quickly they had both sobered up in the one short minute. Dean looked to the shoulder Cas had his hand on. "Shit Cas, did I hurt you when I fell on you?" The guilt eating Dean was visible on his face. "It was my fault, I hurt it when I fell" He said trying to reassure his friend.

"Yeah, and then my big, stupid ass had to go and make it worse." 

"You're hardly at fault here, Dean. It was an accident. Besides, I'm fine. I doubt I'll even have a bruise." He lies. He's definitely going to have bruise. He can already feel the throbbing heat he sometimes got after a beating and bled under his skin. 

Not looking too convinced, Dean purses his lips." We should get to bed. We can get milkshakes tomorrow." He looks really sad, Cas notices and can't help but feel responsible for putting a downer on a great night. " Yeah, okay Dean." He smiles, hoping to comfort his friend. To no avail. 

 

Dean gives him a plain gray T and clean boxers to change into before he goes into the bathroom to change. Giving Cas some privacy, that he's grateful for. He wants to asses the damage on his shoulder. He steps out of his trousers first, pulls off his socks and the changes into the boxers. He can't help but smile of the familiarity of it all. Their sleepovers were always his favorite thing growing up. Dean's room was exactly the same as it was the last time he was there, smelled the same, looked the same. This was always home for him and being back filled him with warmth that filled him from head to toe. 

He considers not changing his T. Not wanting to experience the pain that pulling it over his head would cause him.  
He decides against it and changes anyway. He grabs the T from the bottom and slowly starts to pull it over his head. He's suddenly aware of Dean returning from the bathroom when he hears him gasp. He turns around to see Deans pained face. " Fuck, Cas. I'm so sorry. Do you need to go the hospital. I could call a cab. No, Bobby or Ellen could drive. I could—" He's quiet for a minute. And then he's walking over to Cas and tell him to turn around. He protests. " I'm fine, Dean. Really. It's just a little bruise" He lies. He tries to pull his shirt down to cover himself but is stopped by Deans hand on his.

"Please, Cas. Just let me look. I won't touch it, promise." He pleads. 

Cas agrees with a nod and turns around slowly. The gasp that comes from Dean makes him cringe. Was it really that bad? He wonders. 

"Fuck" Dean looks at his back for long time before he tells him to turn around. The pain and guilt in Deans face makes him wonder why Dean is so upset. Dean has seen him with worse before. A lot worse. 

In silence, Dean helps Cas out of his shirt. Getting his arms out first and then pulling it over his head. He can't help but notice how gentle Dean is being, a look of concentration on his face. It saddens him.

"I'll take the couch. G'night Cas." Is all he says before turning to leave. Cas catches him by the arm. 

"Don't be stupid, Dean. You're sleeping here." He lies down on the bed and pats the mattress for Dean to follow. 

He sighs before reluctantly following Cas to bed. He lies silently for a couple minutes. "Cas, look I'm s—" Cas cuts him off. "Go to sleep, Dean." 

Neither of them sleep much that night.


	3. Untold Truths

As he stirs awake, it takes a minute to realize the painful throb is coming from his shoulder. He wonders for a moment until the events of the night before dawn on him and he groans. The pain in his head is nothing compared to that in his shoulder. He feels a dip in the bed behind him.

"Hey man, how you feeing?" He looks around to see Dean with a glass of water and what he assumes is a disprin. He sits up carefully, not able to put any weight on his shoulder and gratefully accepts the cure for his headache. 

"Like I just went a round with Ali" He pops the pill in his mouth and throws his head back."How about you?" He mumbles around the pill before taking some water and swallowing. He drinks the rest and sets the glass down on the bedside table. He cant help but notice Dean's constant fidgeting. He looked like a schoolboy waiting for scolding. 

"Dean, whats wrong? You're not still upset about about last night are you?" He stood up and walked around the other side of the bed to his friend. "Look Dean, it was an accident. I'm fine. I've had worse." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. They'd never really talked about what had happened to him in that house. Dean had asked him once and when he told him he didn't want to talk about, Deans reply was "Whenever you feel ready" and they never spoke of it again. Until now. 

"That's the fucking point, Cas! That's why!" Dean seemed to explode and Cas couldn't help his mouth from dropping to the floor at his friends sudden outburst. "You never talked about it and I didn't ask, but I was with you every step of the way, Cas. I patched you up. Every time. And it fucking killed me man, seeing you like that. First time you came to my house in the middle of the night covered in bruises I promised I'd never hurt you. Never leave a mark on you and then I—" Dean's voice began to tremble then and Cas could have sworn he was going to cry. He continued " I couldn't even help you. You made me promise not to say anything. To forget about it. Well I couldn't do that. I called the cops and the came up with zilch, nada."

His eyes went wide with shock and he could feel anger begin to boil in his stomach. " That was you!" He was right up in Deans face now. " You promised! I told you I would handle it. My parents had cops and social workers on their backs for weeks!" The look of hurt on his friends face defused him somewhat, he took a deep breath and exhaled. Dean had been trying to look out for him. Even if he was told it was nothing to do with him. But, of course it was. He thinks that had he been in Deans position, he would have done the same. He immediately feels guilty for how harsh he was. He says nothing. Instead he engulfs Dean in a hug. Wrapping his arms as tight as his protesting shoulder will allow. He breaths a sigh of relief when he feels strong arms squeeze tight around and he wishes he could stay like this forever. 

It's Dean who pulls away first and he stars for moment, smiles and ruffles Cas' hair. It was something Dean had done to him when they were kids to tease him and Cas felt like he was knocked right back to 14 years old. He wondered why he ever left. Dean always knew how to make him feel at home... Or maybe Dean was home to him. Either way he's more content than he has been in a long time. " Get your ass on the bed, Novak. Lie on your belly. Gonna have a look at this shoulder." 

He agrees reluctantly, taking his shirt off before lying belly down. Dean leaves the room for a minute and returns with a bag of frozen peas, placing them gently on his shoulder.

"Just like old times, huh?" And despite the circumstances, he smiles at that. "Yeah, Dean. Just like old times"

Except its not. He wishes more than anything that things could go back to how they were. But there are things that he needs to tell Dean. Things he'd rather take to his grave.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been an entire day of Dean enforced bed rest after insisting on patching up his shoulder. His day consisted of Star Wars, tea and the famous Winchester tomato soup. He wasn't aloud to do a thing for himself. He was pretty sure Dean would follow him into the bathroom if he allowed it. Although he appreciated it, he was getting increasingly frustrated.   
_"Dean, not that I don't appreciate your help, but I'm perfectly fine. Look!" ___He said as he he waved him arm in the air. Only to realize his mistake he felt lightening bolts shoot up his arm and failed miserably to hide the pain on his face. Before he knew it Dean was by his side, a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
 _Damn it, Cas. You've got to take it easy,man. Can't make art if your arm don't work right" ___Accepting his mistake, he sighed in defeat and lay back into his pillows.  
He looked over at Dean, who was staring at the floor, obviously deep in thought. After what seemed like forever, Dean finally spoke. His voice even and soft.  
 _" Sorry, just don't like when you're hurt. Specially when its my doing." ___If he knew anything about Dean Winchester it was that guilt ate him alive. He also knew that it wasn't just the shoulder that had Dean like this. But all the other instances Cas was hurt and Dean couldn't do anything about it. Like the time he showed up at the Winchester home, having nowhere else to go. It was well past midnight and Dean opened the door, sleep still in his eyes and hair poking in all directions and was greeted by his bestfriend, his face covered in so much blood you couldn't see where it was coming from and his nose bending at an unnatural angle. Its a night he'll never forget. He made Dean promise not to tell Mary or anyone else. That he would find some way to fix it. That never happened, even with the police and social services, courtesy of Dean Winchester of course, involved nothing happened. No investigations were made. Nobody asked him any questions. They were in and out in 15 minutes, leaving him with these monsters once again. But none of that was Deans fault. If anything, Dean was the person who got him through it all.  
 _" Dean Winchester, if you think for even one second that what happened to me was in any way your fault, I'm afraid you are mistaken. If it weren't for you, honestly, I doubt I'd be here now. I'd have been gone a long time ago. So, please stop beating yourself up. Things weren't so great then but I'm past that Dean, I'm happy and I hope you can put it behind you too and we can get back to being friends. " ___Dean smiled, although the authenticity of that smile was doubtful, it was a start. _"Sure, Cas. I can do that. We're still marathoning Star Wars though.." ___Dean finished with a smile that was certainly genuine. And marathon Star Wars they did.


End file.
